Anxiety Disorder: A 26-Year Battle with My Own Mind

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been in a toxic relationship—with my own brain. It’s the kind of relationship where you’re gaslit daily (by yourself lol), manipulated into believing worst-case scenarios, and left emotionally drained after every encounter. Anxiety disorder isn’t just stress. It’s not “just in your head.” It’s a full-scale battle, and my brain has been my most cunning opponent for 26 years.

The Invisible War: Anxiety as a Mental and Physical Illness

People often assume anxiety is simply overthinking or nervousness. If only. Anxiety is waking up with your heart racing before your feet even hit the floor. It’s the phantom chest pains that send you to the ER at 2 AM, convinced you’re having a heart attack just for the doctor to say "it´s stress". It’s the way your stomach twists into knots so tight, you swear you swallowed razor blades. It’s living in a body that constantly sounds the alarm—without any real threat in sight.

According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) affects 6.8 million adults or 3.1% of the U.S. population, but only 43.2% are receiving treatment.And yet, for something so common, it remains deeply misunderstood.

Anxiety isn’t just a mental struggle; it’s a full-body experience. When your brain perceives danger (real or imagined), your amygdala—the emotional command center—fires up, sending signals to release cortisol and adrenaline. This triggers the fight-or-flight response, which is great if you’re actually being chased by a bear but not so great when you’re just standing in line at the grocery store, shaking from head to toe because your brain decided today was the day to panic.

An Abusive Relationship with My Own Thoughts

Anxiety disorder is like being stuck in an abusive relationship with your own mind. It lies to you constantly and somehow you can´t seem to get out.

“They don’t actually like you.”

“You’re going to mess this up.”

“That weird pain in your side? Probably fatal.”

You try to leave these thoughts behind, but they cling to you, whispering worst-case scenarios in the dark. It’s exhausting, and worst of all, it makes you doubt your own reality and, in most cases, your own morality.

Psychologists call this “catastrophizing”—the tendency to assume the worst will happen. Dr. David Burns, author of The Feeling Good Handbook, explains that anxiety thrives on cognitive distortions: exaggerated, irrational thoughts that fuel fear. The more we believe them, the stronger anxiety becomes. Think of it like the Monster´s Inc. scream system. Fear gives the energy to fill the tanks, but it only truly works when the kid is actually reacting to the stimulation, the moment they are too old or stop being scared, it doesn´t work anymore so the door is shredded and they focus on other kids.

The Physical Toll: Anxiety Feels Like a Disease

It’s wild how little people talk about the physical symptoms of anxiety. Sure, we all know about racing thoughts and panic attacks, but what about the migraines? The dizziness? The chronic muscle tension?

Dr. Charles Nemeroff, a professor of psychiatry, notes that anxiety disorders often overlap with physical illnesses. “Many people with anxiety experience increased inflammation, gastrointestinal issues, and cardiovascular problems,” he explains. The stress response wears down the immune system over time, leaving you more vulnerable to actual sickness. No wonder anxiety feels like being trapped in a haunted house—every noise, every symptom feels like a new reason to panic.

Breaking the Cycle: Fighting Back Against My Brain

So, how do you fight an enemy that lives inside you? You start by realizing YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has been a game-changer in my journey. It’s like training for mental self-defense, learning to separate real danger from anxiety-induced fiction. Instead of believing every intrusive thought, I challenge them:

• Is this thought based on facts or feelings?

• What would I tell a friend in this situation?

• Has my anxiety ever been right about these fears?

Spoiler: It hasn’t. Not once.

Medication has also been part of my arsenal. SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) help regulate serotonin levels, which can reduce the frequency and intensity of anxiety attacks.

While medication isn’t for everyone, it’s worth considering if anxiety is running your life like it was doing with mine. Obviously this step is through your psychiatrist recommendation ONLY.

Final Thoughts: Learning to Live with My Mind

Anxiety and I are still in an entanglement. Some days, I win. Some days, it does. But I’ve learned that healing isn’t about erasing anxiety—it’s about managing it, making peace with the fact that my brain and I will always have some disagreements.

To anyone else in this fight: You are not weak. You are not broken. You are battling one of the most persistent, insidious forces out there—your own mind—and you are still here. That alone is proof of your strength.